Somatic, Relational, Trauma Therapist Specializing In LGBTQIA, Disorganized Attachment, & Relationship Issues
In psychology there is a bias towards working through hard things. This makes sense since a lot of the reason people enter therapy is to get unstuck, and this often means working through hard stuff. But (while it may seem counterintuitive), there are some folks who need permission to leave, take a break, be alone, etc in order to get unstuck.
Read MoreHave you ever noticed that when you're reuniting with your partner after being apart for the day or a few days that you feel a bit (or actually a lot!) anxious? Cognitively you know you love this person and enjoy being with them but you get a bit twitchy as you’re heading to see them? Then right as your about to reunite its really uncomfortable, you might feel confused or disoriented inside and maybe a little scared or angry? These are all signs that you might have some trouble with transitions, that this coming together could be an especially difficult time, and might explain why there is more fighting and feelings of disconnection during your reunions.
Read MoreI know the experience of anxiety deeply, and about the running from it as well. The body sensations, energetic experiences, hot racing thoughts, and the drive to fix it, or collapse in the face of it, are all familiar to me. I often ask folks to slow down when they say they are anxious so we can find out, together, what they are feeing somatically. Often it is a fast energy, with contracted points in the body, and if not handled gently can escalate to panic pretty fast. No wonder we, as a culture, want to do anything we can to not feel these particularly frightening sensations!
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When I was in grad school a teacher asked the folks in the class to raise their hands to indicate which attachment style they most identified with. For most of us at the beginning of our grad school experience we were just starting to learn what “attachment style” meant. We “knew” that secure attachment was the best and anything else was bad. Beyond that, very few of us understood the nuances of attachment styles. So those who raised their hand as being securely attached were given the stink eye, because competitiveness in grad school extends to attachment styles too!
Read MoreI know my own journey with gut trust has been fraught with lots of issues. I had an over active gut that saw danger in the subtlest of things: emotional intimacy, physical closeness, touch. To walk through the world knowing that these intimacies are vitally important for my overall health, and to know on another level that my gut was saying “Run away, defend, quickly!” brought about a lot of pain and grief.
Read MoreProbably one of the subtler forms of “checking out” most folks do is in thinking about their bodies, rather than experiencing the preset moment sensations in their bodies. For most folks the body is a minefield; overwhelming sensations, memories, numbness, deadness, and invisible parts all make experiencing the body fraught with danger. But the body is also where we experience pleasure, joy, lightness, depth, tenderness, love, and inspiration.
Read MoreWithin the therapeutic relationship acts of relational triumph can occur which translate to the clients world outside the office. Witnessing the transformative power of literally going with, emotionally and somatically, my clients to the most terrifying places in the psychic realm humbles me. The places of overwhelm, panic, and dissociation are the places where these acts of triumph live, but we must go together.
Read MoreA tact, which is useful, involves not transcending the problems of humanness but descending into the muck of life and welcoming it home. One way of thinking of this process is imagining that these painful experiences and parts of ourselves are things which need to be welcomed home, and not just welcomed home and shoved in the basement, but given a seat at the table of our life.
Read MoreFor many years I spent my time managing and controlling my outside circumstances (and, honestly, still work with this!). My belief I could find safety through control was a purely unconscious drive. All I knew was that the world felt overwhelming to me, and that I was restless and irritable. I would make the connection that when I was in a certain situation or with a particular person I felt anxious, so I tried my best to stay out of or control those situations or people. I rarely thought that my real problems were my internal reactions and unacknowledged fears, which drove me and dictated my life.
Read MoreOften in my work with clients we talk about resolution of layers of trauma. Our work together is to explore and metabolize the layers of trauma and pain held in the body and psyche. The process seems to often start at the gross layer, an extreme desire to fight or run, a longing to cry or rage. These opening layers are themes that continue to show up as the layers are worked through.
Read MoreFirst, a disclaimer: I did not come up with the three A’s. I wish I did! They are a wonderful lens through which to view challenging situations or challenging emotions. I first heard of them a number of years ago and in the past few years began to really feel and experience the significance of this practice. I found the three A’s brought about a new perspective in areas of my life I felt stuck in; they are awesome because who doesn’t like to feel some movement when you’re stuck?
Read MoreBoundaries are the places where we interact and contact the world and other people. The edges of our physical, energetic, and emotional bodies are where we experience our lives. Often people come to me because the world and the people in it feel overwhelming; the boundaries where they experience the world are too loose or too tight.
Read More"If you experience from time to time, (or maybe all the time!), feelings of panic, overwhelm, anxiety, a sense of impeding doom or other difficult sensations then resourcing is for you. These feelings often involve a sensation of feeling trapped or stuck with no way out..."
Read MoreProviding psychotherapy, counseling, and support for grief, addictions, trauma, PTSD, relationship issues, and GLBTQIA.
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