Somatic, Relational, Trauma Therapist Specializing In LGBTQIA, Disorganized Attachment, & Relationship Issues
Sometimes when I am working with my clients I will notice a tightening in my throat, or a speediness in my thoughts. I will be caught up in what is going to happen from a perspective somewhat removed from the aliveness of the moment.
Read MoreI was talking with some friends the other night and we were exploring what it’s like to enter therapy. My friend had a very insightful statement that going into therapy is stressful because it “stirs stuff up.” I had to agree with that! That’s been true in my professional life with my clients and with my own personal journey. And yet my perspective is a bit different than my friends: Yes is stirs stuff up, and this stuff is going to get you no matter what!
Read MoreMost of my life I have been pretty distant, fairly aloof. I did not want to feel the pain that came from human connection. I developed tools and methods to keep people at arms length. This felt like the best way of doing things, I was safe and they were safe from me. Underlying these actions were deep and powerful beliefs about safety and about my worthiness. On the surface these behaviors and beliefs point towards someone afraid of connection, scared of the closeness inherent in human relationships. Though on the surface this may be true the deeper issue is a fear of disconnection.
Read MoreThe folks I have regular contact with in my practice have been well seasoned by life, which is my way of saying they have been through some rough shit. They have been through traumas, addictions, abuse, self-harm, and have also done some pretty hurtful things to other people. So by the time I see them in my office there are big feelings of being broken, hopeless, and unworthy. For the most part this makes a lot of sense to me given what they have been through! And I can completely relate, I too have been seasoned by life, and tenderized, and cook a bit by it!
Read MoreWhat I have experienced and continue to experience is the profound, and I’m not using that word lightly, healing that can take place through here and now disclosure by the therapist. This is not about sitting around in normal consciousness and chatting about our favorite flavors of ice cream. It’s about dropping into the realm of dissociated parts, developmental trauma, and systemic beliefs together as a way to reintegrate the shattered parts of self many clients come in with.
Read MoreIn graduate school, first year, they presented a study that claimed 80% of clients reported the relationship between the client and therapist as being the most therapeutic part of therapy. At that time I heard that I thought, “Cool, I’ll keep that in mind and now give me the techniques to be an effective therapist.”
Read MoreYour partner reaches out to you, holds extended eye contact, or even wants to make plans for a few days from now and you get that tightening in your stomach. Your not sure why but there is that jump in your belly and the associated feeling that something is bad or wrong. Logically you see there is no reason to be afraid in this moment, you know this is a good person who would not intentionally harm you, but the nagging feeling of imminent danger or mistrust of this person is very present. Sometimes you can shake off this brief impulse to run and get away, other times it signals a landslide of panic and fear that takes you over.
Read MoreHas your partner ever said to you, “Babe, I need some space tonight.”? Then your knee jerk reaction is something like anxiety, anger, dread, or fear? If so, then congratulations you are in a relationship in which you are connected enough to have your core issues arise! While no one likes to feel these deep issues of abandonment they are often hanging around right under the surface unconsciously driving your behavior.
Read MoreIf you are reading this you might feel like you are sucking at life right now, because if you were a really successful human you probably wouldn’t need me to tell you! Maybe you lost a job, a relationship, your clothes don’t fit right, or you are full of self-pity for the choices you made. Possibly you are looking for a pick-me-up and hope to find yourself in this list. Well if you are a human I guarantee you will find yourself in this list! Ok lets get started…
Read MoreThis is like slow food, but with people. It’s like slowly cooking yourself with another so that there is a melding of flavors, but still distinct ingredients that hold their form. Often this type of relationship is difficult to do, but vitally important if intimacy is tough for you. This type of fear of intimacy often comes in two forms. There is the “jump in real fast to relationship” and the “scared of relationship” type
Read MoreAlcoholics and addicts have been some of the most amazing, frustrating, and downright ridiculous people I have ever had the privilege of working with. These are the people who are destroying their lives, the lives of the people they love, and their own sanity to have just one more go at making their addiction work. They go through benders, for days or weeks, and emerge saying, “I promise to never do that again.” And a few hours, days, or weeks later they are back at it. If you have the curse/privilege of loving one of these people you are in for a ride, often you will wish you never met them! Then other times you will be struck by their sensitivity, huge heart, charisma, passion, and charm and feel their potential under all that chaos.
Read More“For even as love crowns you so shall she crucify you.
Even as she is for your growth so is she for your pruning.
Even as she ascends to your height and caresses
your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
so shall she descend to your roots and shake them
in their clinging to the earth.”
-The Prophet
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Growing up in my family I was taught pretty clearly about right and wrong. Don’t swear, don’t lie, and don’t steal. My dad once said to me, “Don’t do anything you couldn’t come home and tell your mother about.” Ha! At that point I would of had to remove about 80% of the activities with my friends!
Read MoreWhen I was in my early twenties I was the classic “tough guy.” I was not about to let anyone into my heart or my inner life. If I was involved romantically with someone and they got too attached to me or said they loved me, I was out the door. At the time, I thought I was calm, cool, and collected: how wrong I was! In retrospect, I was terrified of letting someone touch that place in me that was so tender, so raw, and so vulnerable.
Read MoreBoundaries are the places where we interact and contact the world and other people. The edges of our physical, energetic, and emotional bodies are where we experience our lives. Often people come to me because the world and the people in it feel overwhelming; the boundaries where they experience the world are too loose or too tight.
Read MoreLet me start by saying that being attracted to your therapist is very normal. Think about it: your therapist is kind to you, listens to everything you say, they show up when they say they will, they are accepting, supportive, and sometimes they are even good looking! Add all that together and you would have the perfect partner, except that in this case they are your therapist...
Read MoreProviding psychotherapy, counseling, and support for grief, addictions, trauma, PTSD, relationship issues, and GLBTQIA.
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